What you have is perfectly fine
Gone are the days of keeping up with the Jones'. Today we have to keep up with everyone and everything.
Even if we don't realise we're doing it, we obsess over other people's social media profiles, create wish lists of items we dream one day to own and drool over ads of beautiful people doing things we wish we could.
We compare our relationship status to expectations that were created when the world was very different. We compare our achievements to those with a completely different life. We compare our social lives, our possessions and, ultimately, our happiness.
When we're constantly reminded of the things we could have, it becomes easy to lose focus of what we actually do have. As many a philosopher has philosophised - this puts us firmly on a path to a life of unhappiness.
Since the world is set up to be like this, many of us have to make a conscious effort not to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to other people, or the imaginary life we’ve painted for ourselves in our minds.
Here are a few tips on how we might go about that:
1. Don't compare your normal self to others' best selves – Social media is a universe of people showing the best version of themselves and hiding the rest. We all have a friend with the seemingly perfect family who’s actually on the brink of divorce and another on an endless holiday who hates themselves. Trust me, you're doing OK.
2. Move from comparison to inspiration - rather than wallow in self-pity and fawn over what other people are doing, ask yourself - what can I do to make my own life the very best it can be? Take it from helplessness to action by focusing less on others’ lives and more on your own happiness and wellbeing.
3. Recognise the triggers - there are certain situations, places and people which will make you feel inferior. Social media is one of those places. The girl with the amazing life who doesn't shut up about it is another. Unless you’re diligently following point #2, minimise time spent in those environments.
4. Give yourself some credit – it’s ironic how we all look at other people’s lives and achievements in awe, yet consider our own to be lacking. How might your best friend describe you and your life?
5. Practice gratitude - write on a notepad or your phone, a list of things that you’re genuinely grateful to have in your life, which you would not change or swap for anything else. If you find yourself comparing your life to something else, remind yourself of these.
6. Consider whether what you don’t have is even what you want - How much do you really wish you ran your own business or lived in another country, like that person does? Are you really willing to make the sacrifices that requires, like perhaps losing some of those things in point #5? If not, forget about it and focus on them.
7. Always do your best - While your best might not always be as good as others, you won’t even reach your best if you’re obsessed with theirs. Focusing on doing the very best we can for ourselves - instead of worrying about what others are doing - puts us in the best position we possibly can be.
8. Go easy on yourself - We are constantly reminded of what we could have, could do or could be. It's relentless. Never are we ever encouraged to just be happy with what we have and it can be very easy to blame ourselves for not being or having more. So go easy on yourself. There is always room for improvement but it's rarely essential.
None of this is to say that we shouldn’t aim high or to be the best we can be or live the best life we can live. Having goals and ambitions can do wonders for wellbeing.
But it’s always worth bearing in mind that the world isn’t designed to remind us of how great our lives already are. In which case, it’s up to us to remind ourselves.