Putting something aside for those unexpected costs
Most of us, at some point in our adult lives, have probably had to budget. Even the most disorganised, with aversions to spreadsheets and bank statements, have had to think ahead about where money is coming from and going to. Maybe at work, or saving for a big purchase, or just being able to survive and pay rent in a city like London; in budgeting, we look ahead and anticipate financial costs, so we can prepare for them happening and make sure they don’t hit us too hard, when they do.
But money isn’t the only thing we spend, while getting through the ups and downs of life. Whether dealing with day-to-day admin, or life’s major challenges, we dip into the bank vaults of our minds and spend some cold, hard emotions.
Sometimes, they’ll be positive emotions. We feel excited about our plans for the weekend, or we feel joy when catching up with friends. Or, they might not be so positive. We feel worried about the meeting we have coming up, stressed or fearful about the deadline we have to meet, or pissed off about having to commute home in the rain.
It’s a constant outflow of our limited emotional resources, for which we put little effort into planning. Not only that, but we even try to pretend to ourselves that the negative emotions won’t happen. We have this idea that we should be happy and content all of the time; then, when something bad happens, or we do feel like shit, it feels even worse. It’s like pretending we don’t have to pay our bills, so then we don’t; so we just get fined even more.
I propose we start budgeting a little better for our emotions. To stop pretending they’re not coming, be aware of when they might come and mitigate the impact of them, when they do.
But we don’t need spreadsheets for this. Just an awareness. So here are three considerations in how we can budget for our emotions, to anticipate the costs, mitigate the impact and ride them out without any major damage:
Plan ahead
When it comes to finances, we plan ahead. For example, if we book a holiday, we budget that we’ll spend a certain amount of money each day, which means we need to take a certain amount away with us in total. What we don’t budget for, is the endearingly termed “post-holiday blues” that come from going straight back into the office the morning after we get back. So what could we put aside for that?
Using previous experience, along with a bit of research, we can estimate the financial costs. So we can also use previous experience to know that, using the holiday blues analogy, it can feel a bit intense to fly back in Sunday night/Monday morning and go straight into the office to face a barrage of emails.
Drawing on previous experiences to plan ahead, two things can happen. First, as in this example, we get an idea of the types of situations we should be wary of, for when certain emotions may arise.
Second - importantly - we can remind ourselves that every emotion we experience will come and go, whether positive or negative. So there’s no point in worrying too much when the negative ones happen; and there’s no point in getting too attached when the positive ones do, either. We can just let them happen, enjoy them or deal with them, and allow them to move on.
Put something aside
Once we’ve estimated the financial costs, we can plan for them - putting money aside and even taking little steps that might make those costs less than they need to be.
Equally, if we identify when there may be some difficult emotions on the horizon, we can plan for them, too. Again, using the holiday blues example - depending on the type of work and what works best for us, individually, we might book an extra half-day holiday, or work from home, to catch up on emails before going back into the office. Or maybe we book something else at home that week, to look forward to once we’re back - instead of hiding under a duvet, wishing we were back where we were last week.
And of course - one of the major factors in how we can mitigate the impact of these emotional costs, is to simply accept that there might be difficult emotions during times you know might be difficult - rather than hoping and wishing they don’t come and beating ourselves up over it, when they do. Accepting that they may be coming and allowing them to happen, makes it much less of a shock and internal battle to the system, when they do.
Have a contingency
As any budget pro will tell you, the tightest of budgets will have a contingency; ie, a separate amount put aside, just in case, for those unforeseen circumstances. Because as we all know, there will always be unexpected financial costs, which crop up from time to time. If we’re ready for them, the impact will be far less when they do; and if we get through it without any additional costs, there’s the additional bonus of some leftover cash.
In budgeting for our emotions, we have to accept that, from time to time, we’re going to feel like shit. It might be because of something that happens to make us feel that way. Or, it might just be because we’re having one of those days, where that’s how we feel. And that’s fine.
The problem comes when we expect that nothing bad should happen to us, or that when we do have a bad day, there’s something drastically wrong with us or our lives. Then when that does happen, we start questioning why it’s happened and allow it to spiral into something much worse than what it really needs to be. Like, arriving home from above holiday, to our perfectly good job, feeling horrendous and spending a whole week searching for jobs and homes to rent in the place you’ve just come back from, so we can leave the life that seemed to be serving you just fine before ee left.
As the age old proverb goes, shit really does happen, from the most trivial of mishaps to the most tragic of life events. What will come with those events are, most likely, some difficult emotions. So have a contingency. That’s not to say we should be constantly thinking about when the next bad thing will happen. Again, the contingency isn’t always used. But it’s simply to say that, if and when they do happen, we’re ready for them and that’s OK. It’s in the budget, let’s ride it out.
Setting your own budget
It’s very difficult to quantify and measure emotions. But we can still become more aware of when they may arise, plan around them and accept them when they come, in order to make the whole process a lot easier to deal with, when it does.
What’s coming up on your horizon? Anything potentially stressful? Anything that'll require a lot of your energy? Anything you're already feeling anxious about?
If so, budget for the emotions that will come with it. Plan ahead. How will you make sure you're in the best possible mindset? Think about sleep, diet, exercise. Plan to take some time out - either before or after aforementioned emotionally demanding activity - to breathe, prepare, decompress or give your mind some quiet time.
There'll always be times when we might feel stressed, worried or generally a bit shit. Accepting when it's coming and being ready for it when it does, can really help to take the edge off.
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